Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
