I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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