you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
