Where is the hickey?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
