Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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