Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
