so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
