Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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