Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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