After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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