She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
