C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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