I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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