ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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