this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
