so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
