I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
