nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
