I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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