I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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