I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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