I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Two words: nipple clamps
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