My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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