I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
