No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
