Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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