I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
