I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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