theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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