...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
