This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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