I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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