i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
