I want to make a zoo with you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
