You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
