Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
