Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
