I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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