You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
