Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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