Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
