You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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