Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How's work?
Spinning.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
