Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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