My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The air was thick with penises
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
