I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
