everyone is single if you try hard enough
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
