So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Even my vagina gasped.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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