i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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