Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
