i will never coherently bang her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
