Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
